SF: Righteous Ringtones

Not many people know this, but I’m an inventor.

Granted, none of my inventions have made it to production, but I have some really great ideas… at least I think I do. I would use them, and maybe you would too. Some of my more recent ideas are:

Flavored crayons
Maybe someone actually makes these, but I’ve never seen them. At least then I wouldn’t have to continually get onto my one year old for taste testing them.


Burrito tape
Who hasn’t made a messy burrito? With my burrito tape, messy, torn burritos would be a thing of the past. Just place the desired amount of the edible adhesive tape to your next Mexican mess. (This could also be used for cheap hot dog buns that bust open on the bottom.)



Books on Toilet Paper
Yeah, NO… I don’t have a fetish for T.P. I just think it is a great product. But my product would be just a little better. Just think, you could read War and Peace on the T.P. while using the T.P. When you finish a chapter, just flush away!

Now, while these ideas are great [and I know they are], they do not top my latest invention. Allow me to introduce Righteous Ringtones!

Righteous Ringtones are a must for any serious church person. There will be two versions available.

For use at Church
Every seasoned pastor knows the benefits of the dramatic pause. You know, the pause that allows the listeners to think about that last, crucial statement. Nothing, and I mean nothing, ruins the dramatic pause worse than a cell phone ringing. It not only ruins the pause, it ruins the whole mood of the service. That is where the Righteous Ringtone Church version comes in so handy. Instead of an annoying ring or polyphonic version of a Ricky Martin song, the Righteous Ringtone rings by saying statements of affirmation that any preacher would appreciate. The Righteous Ringtone Church version would ring using a strong mans voice with a different word for each ring, such as, “Amen!”, “Preach it!”, “Come on”, “Bring it!”, “Whooooo dats right!”, “UH”, “You know it!”, and “Give that Preacher a raise!”.

For use during the week
Sometimes when we are away from church we don’t act so holy. That’s where the Righteous Ringtones weekly version comes in so handy. Just think, you’re in traffic and late to work. The jerk in front of you has no idea that he is in your way so he just toodles along at the speed limit. Just when you’re about to blow your horn and ram into him [don’t act like I’m the only one that feels this way] your cell phone rings. But instead of a silly ring or a polyphonic version of a Jerry Reed song, it rings the Beatitudes as read by Sean Connery. Just think, instead of “rings”, you would hear Mr. Connery straight from Matthew 5:


3"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. 10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Now, who would have road rage after a ring like that?

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Coming up
I’ll be posting my summery of Paul in the book of Acts in the next day or so. Be looking for it, you might find it interesting


Sunday Funday: A Less-Serious Side of Sunday

Sundays are serious days. But sometimes it is just good to sit back and relax. That is the idea for Sunday Funday.

Sunday Funday are posts that I'll make especially for Sundays. They will be less serious and hopefully somewhat comical.

So, enjoy...

When Ebay Lets You Down: A Modern Parable


So I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get my last ebay purchase. Now, I’ve done my fair share of ebay transactions and have never really had any problems, in fact, in the six or so years I’ve been an ebay member I’ve never had one bad deal. I think all of my friends have had bad deals. Something has gone wrong here or there, but never for me. I’ve never had a bad deal.

Until now.

My payment cleared on June 10 for An Unstoppable Force by Erwin McManus. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog you have probably noticed that An Unstoppable Force by Erwin McManus is a pretty important book, especially since I am supposed to start reading it in six days. I’m not seeing that happen. And it’s ebay’s fault.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Some people really like ebay. Some of those people live for ebay. I tried it and I’ve decided I’m not going back; I’ve been burned. It only took one time, and yes, I did expect it to happen – I expected it because ebay is full of frauds, and I don’t want to be a fraud.

All of ebay’s members are like the guy that didn’t send me my stuff. They are all greedy and money hungry [I think that is really the same, but it flows so good] and self-serving. Ebay is just a bunch of fanatics that just care about my money. They really don’t care about me.

Members down there at that ebay don’t respect me for me either. They don’t like the way I bid, or the way I type my user name, or the way I use paypal to pay for my stuff. All they care about is “when will I get paid”. It’s like it is all about them and how they do things. What if I wanted to pay with bubble gum wrappers? They won’t take that because it’s not how they do things. Ebay is just too strict for me.

I can say I’ve pretty much had it. It just took one member for me to see that ebay is full of coin rollers preaching that you can “bid victoriously” and “you can find it on ebay”. All of the members of ebay are just like the one that let me down, because they are all the same.

Or are they?

Because, when I think about it, ebay itself hasn’t let me down… an ebay member let me down.

There are thousands of true ebay members on ebay right now bidding, winning and receiving their goods. There are a fair share of unfortunate ebayers too that haven’t quite grabbed a hold of what ebay is all about. Those are the ones that take your money and run, don’t answer your emails, and give ebay a bad name.

They are not what ebay is about.

We should not allow them to set the tone for future ebay visitors or new ebay members.




How We Roll


It’s been debated for over 128 years [I googled it, it was invented around 1880] by men and women alike. It’s caused arguments, feuds, fusses and fights and will continue to do so for generations to come. There is no definitive answer, but there are defiant defendants that claim to know the answers.

I’m talking, of course, about which way the toilet paper rolls.

The dirty truth is that the orientation of the way the toilet paper rolls can cause some family hardships. This is especially true when your wife is pregnant [learned that one the hard way].

It seems, at least to me anyway, that the majority of the population prefers the “up and over” direction of the paper. I myself like my tp “down and behind”, butt that is because I am a rebel and live by the seat of my pants. However, I usually do fill the paper roll “up and over” because I wouldn’t want to dump on someone like that and load him or her up emotionally. I’m not the kind of guy to flush a relationship over stinky feelings.

[I am really, really sorry for that last paragraph, but believe me I had fun writing it. Yes, all puns are intended. Can you find all 6?]

But really, does it really matter in the end [7… okay, last one, I promise]. I mean, the end result it the important part of the toilet paper use, right? In perspective, it doesn’t really matter if the paper rolls over or under because both directions are being used to meet the same need.


It seems we can’t see the forest for the trees sometimes.

In life, we as Christians are all heading in one direction – that direction being reaching people who don’t follow Christ and engaging them with Christ. That should be our focus both as a personal ministry and as a congregational ministry. What this all boils down to is your target, and different targets require different approaches to lead them to the same end. But, just like the way toilet paper rolls, sometimes the trees get in the way of the forest and we lose sight of what is really important. This is why intentional ministry is so vital. When we are being intentional in our ministries we realize that the process can change as long as we arrive at the end result.

When we are being intentional we meet needs where they are and bring them to Jesus.

Here’s the way the Apostle Paul put it.

I Corinthians 9:19b-23 NLT
19b…I have become a servant of everyone so that I can bring them to Christ. 20 When I am with the Jews, I become one of them so that I can bring them to Christ. When I am with those who follow the Jewish laws, I do the same, even though I am not subject to the law, so that I can bring them to Christ. 21 When I am with the Gentiles who do not have the Jewish law, I fit in with them as much as I can. In this way, I gain their confidence and bring them to Christ. But I do not discard the law of God; I obey the law of Christ. 22 When I am with those who are oppressed, I share their oppression so that I might bring them to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone so that I might bring them to Christ. 23 I do all this to spread the Good News, and in doing so I enjoy its blessings.

So what is the big deal about intentional ministry? It means that we have to go out of our way to take Jesus to the people God puts in our path. That means getting out of our comfort zones which means we might have to:

- Make new friends at a bar
Call me crazy, but I think if Jesus was physically on earth today He would be found at bars buying recently divorced men, alcoholics, sex addicts, drug addicts, etc. a cold Cok-a-cola and listening to their stories. I believe He would be sharing His love with them in order that they might realize there is a better, more abundant life that is theirs for the taking.
[Please understand… I am not advocating drinking at all. I do, however, believe Jesus modeled this idea in Matthew 9:9-13.]

- Go to the same restaurant and ask for the same server
We’re intentional when we intentionally initiate relationships. Does this mean going to the same restaurant over and over again, even when we are tired of the food they serve? Yes. Does this mean asking for the same server everytime we go there? Yes. Does this mean always engaging in their lives and opening up your own life? Yes. Does this mean leaving a more than good tip, even when the service is lousy? Yes.

- Go inside to pay for gas
Guilty. Life is so convenient. We don’t even have to step two feet away from our car to pay for our gas anymore. But what if we did have to go inside? We might find an attendant that is dying to know our Christ but doesn’t, simply because no one has intentionally made the effort to bring Jesus to them with their life.

I could go on and on with examples, but the point is all the same. Are we being intentional in our ministries or are we going through the motions the same way over and over again because that is how it is “supposed to be done”?

Are we reaching our target? Are we meeting needs where they are with Jesus? Are we worried about the process or what really matters in the end?

How do we roll?






Praying Like Peter's Friends

This is a short blog that might develop into a big blog one day. But for now it is a simple reminder of where we put our trust.

I’m trying to keep to my reading schedule. During June I’m reading Breakout Churches by Thom Ranier and the book of Acts found in the New Testament. I’ve gone through Acts before, but God is giving me new insights that are so very refreshing. One insight I read of today puts prayer in perspective.

In chapter 12 of Acts Peter escapes from prison with the help of an angel. After he realized that it wasn’t a dream, he went to find some friends. [I think we would all do that. I mean, an angel of the Lord came and got him out of prison. I’d tell my friends too.] He went to a house where a bunch of folks were praying for his release; unfortunately, he was met with some resistance. Here is the text:

Acts 12:11-17
11Then Peter came to himself and said, "Now I know without a doubt that the Lord sent his angel and rescued me from Herod's clutches and from everything the Jewish people were anticipating." 12When this had dawned on him, he went to the house of Mary the mother of John, also called Mark, where many people had gathered and were praying. 13Peter knocked at the outer entrance, and a servant girl named Rhoda came to answer the door. 14When she recognized Peter's voice, she was so overjoyed she ran back without opening it and exclaimed, "Peter is at the door!" 15"You're out of your mind," they told her. When she kept insisting that it was so, they said, "It must be his angel." 16But Peter kept on knocking, and when they opened the door and saw him, they were astonished. 17Peter motioned with his hand for them to be quiet and described how the Lord had brought him out of prison. "Tell James and the brothers about this," he said, and then he left for another place.

Thank God for Rhoda, but re-read verse 15. The very people that were praying for his safety didn’t believe that he was safe! Did they not believe their own prayers? Did they not believe in the power of God?

As I read that I thought, “what are they thinking?”

Then it dawned on me – I am ashamed to say it, but more times than not I lose sight in the power of God when I pray.

When we lose sight of Gods power when we pray we are merely going through motions. It’s time we stop praying like Peter’s friends and start believing what we are praying.

It’s time to get excited about what God is doing!

Which Sesame Street Character Are You? A handy guide.


I don’t know of many Americans who haven’t been ingrained with the PBS children’s show Sesame Street, and for good reason since the program has been running for the better part of 30+ years. And, since it’s Sunday, and Fathers Day, I think it’s a great time to find out which Sesame Street character fits your Christian personality best. Have fun and score yourself accordingly!

1. Big Bird – A Humble Leader
Obviously, of all the critters on Sesame Street, Big Bird is the most visible. I mean, how else would you describe a 7-foot tall canary? But being tall is not what makes Big Bird a leader. Big Bird is a leader because he has a humble core. Big Bird lives his life as a guide for others on Sesame Street to follow. He serves when he can, he helps when he can, and if he doesn’t have an answer to a question he makes sure he finds out before he carelessly gives advise.

2. Elmo – The Contagious Christian
If only we all had the energy that Elmo has. I mean, for real, he is literally excited about everything. The impressive thing is that Elmo’s excitement is contagious. If Elmo is excited about a doorknob, before it’s over we will all be excited over that doorknob! And, just like Elmo, contagious Christians often speak in the third person (example: “Elmo has a ball”, “Elmo loves ice cream”, - “Contagious Christian loves serving others”, Contagious Christian really enjoys morning worship”). Okay, I made the last part up… I couldn’t help myself.

3. Bert – The Hesitant Volunteer
Bert is a boring guy. That’s not a crack; it’s just the truth. He likes being boring and as a result he is a bit reluctant any time Ernie gets excited about a new adventure. This doesn’t make him any less of a muppet, it just takes some extra prodding to get him on board. Once he’s on board, he is on board 100%. And he also has the groovy mono-brow thing going for him too!

4. Ernie – The Energetic Volunteer
Ernie is always ready. No matter what, no matter where, if you include Ernie he is ready with no questions asked. Ernie can usually get others involved and on board 100% too. Remember that segment on Sesame Street where Ernie is singing in the bathtub with his rubber ducky and before long there are at least 20 other muppets singing with Ernie in the tub. I think ole’ Bert even got involved in the song. That was one big tub. Energetic Christian volunteers probably shouldn’t sing together in the tub, though.

5. Grover – The Mission Minded Christian
Grover has had many “ministries” in the past, from being a waiter to being a super hero, but if you’ve watched Sesame Street recently he has become the muppet that introduces the viewers to other countries. Grover does a good job with that. He visits the country, learns and appreciates their traditions and teaches them to learn something new too… just like any good missionary should.

6. Oscar the Grouch – The Grumpy Christian
Yes, there does seem to be a species known as a grumpy Christian, and Oscar fits the description to a “T”. He never likes anything anyone else does, he never wants to help anyone else do anything, and he always wants to tell others how things should be. But really, what do you expect? He spends all his time digging through garbage and living in a trash can.

7. Abby Cadabby – The New Christian
Abby hasn’t been around Sesame Street that long, in fact, she is only a fairy in training. But just like anyone in training she has her moments when she has to learn from others that have been on Sesame Street a little longer than she has. She makes more mistakes than a lot of the others, but she learns quickly and doesn’t give up.

8. Cookie Monster – The Baptist Christian
He eats a lot, but a better name would be the “Covered Dish Monster.” But for real, this one is just for fun. I’m a member of a Baptist Church, so I feel like I can pick on Baptist’s a little bit. Right?


Did I miss one? Leave a comment in the comments section and we’ll get yours added to the list!

Dating Church


Once upon a time I was a single man with single ambitions. One of those ambitions was to find me a wife, which I have done quite successfully. Unfortunately, I had to date several females to get to the one that God planned for me. [That last sentence sounds really cocky doesn’t it? Oh well..]

The worst part of any relationship is the breakup, and it is always harder to be the break-ee than the break-er [except for this one time when it was really a smooth transaction and a real blessing - I mean a REAL blessing]. The break-ee automatically becomes the victim and the one who has something to prove. This is especially true if the break-er is making a lateral move, that is, from a break-ee to a new relationship. This “proving” method usually ends up in some sort of competition in which the break-ee compares himself/herself [gotta be PC] to the new relationship. Since the break-er has already chosen the winner of the competition, conflict arises and usually ends up with a bitter, broken break-ee.

If you’re keeping score:
1. Break-er from break-ee
2. Break-ee to victim
3. Victim to competition
4. Competition to comparison
5. Comparison to conflict
6. Break-ee to getting nose brok-ee.

As sad as it is, I’ve been the break-ee more times than the break-er. There, I said it – I’ve been dumped more times than not [I know that’s hard to believe, trust me] which leads me to believe that I’ve dated some pretty senseless females. [I don’t know where this cockiness is coming from, but… oh well.] Truth is, however, I am SO glad to be out of the dating scene. When you’re married you begin to know who you are, where you are, and what your part is. In fact, I think high schools should have a mandatory class titled “Dating to Marriage, how to know who you are, where you are, and what your part is”. [That just sounds catchy…] Maybe that would help awkward teenagers make sense of the whole dating issue and allow a smooth transition into marriage. Maybe… just maybe.

In reflection, maybe churches should do the same type of class. While I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject, I do believe that it is possible to date the church and I presume that this is where bitterness and/or attrition is most heavily observable. Lets think about this using two scenarios:

1. New Christian Scenario:
We are all excited about new Christians, as we should be. It should always be a joy to take part in a spiritual birth of a new follower. The bad part is that often we leave new believers as spiritual orphans on the alter with nowhere to go and no one to attach to. The dangerous part is they can become dependant on themselves or dependant on the wrong influence. If they are dependant on themselves then they attach following Christ to a spiritual high that took place after their conversion. If they attach themselves to the wrong influence they can be swayed in a negative direction. Either way could lead to a bitter break-up because the new Christian never really married into the concept.

Remember, the concept is knowing who you are, where you are and what your part is. New Christians rarely know who they are, much less where and what their part is in the grand scheme of the church. After all, they’ve just experienced one of the biggest spiritual high’s they could ever imagine. Related to the dating scene, they’ve just experience their first kiss and are in love with everything about the new relationship. But soon the high wears off and jealousy sets in as newer believers enter the scene – which leads from competition to conflict, which ultimately leads to leaving. Why? The new Christian never took hold of the marriage concept - never really understood who he/she is in the relationship, where he/she fits into God’s plan, and where their point of ministry could take place.

2. Stagnant, long-time Member Scenario:
If you’ve been in any church for two weeks you know exactly the kind of member I am referring to. This member likes church the way it was before it changed the last time and isn’t about to move towards change again. They are dating a tradition and refuse to let it go. I am all for tradition… as long as that tradition has relevance! If we aren’t changing because that’s the way brother so-and-so did it 50 years ago, I ain’t buyin’ it.

However, I’m compassionate for this type member. Why? Because they didn’t give up after the “first kiss”: instead of rooting themselves into God’s plan they rooted themselves in the tradition. It’s like they reached to the knowing who they are part and got cozy. They’re fine with the perception of being a Christian, but the concept of acting like one seems a bit uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable leads to conflict and, of course, conflict leads to (most commonly) stubbornness or (unfortunately) departure.

Maybe I’m off key on this, but I don’t think so. I believe that every follower of Christ should move from infancy to adulthood, from stagnant to strength – from dating to marriage. But don’t take my word for it, read for yourself…

I John 2:3-6 NIV
3We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. 4The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: 6Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

What are His commands? Easy…
Know who we are. (Am I following Christ or myself?)
Know where we are. (Ultimately, God put me here for a reason.)
Know what your part is. (What ministry do I fit? [Hint: there is one, even if it hasn’t been developed yet.])

This whole idea is pretty hard to swallow since the church is the visible part of the equation. That’s why it is difficult to help people understand that it is not about dating the church. The church is absolutely necessary – it is the body of Christ; however, without a relationship with God it is seemingly useless. This is where folks don’t buy into the marriage concept and really never move past the essence of what the church is for them. Their relationship, either positive or negative, is with a building or personality and not God Himself.

I’m SO glad I’m out of the dating scene.

I’m SO glad I’m growing in my relationship.



Future Influence

Tenative Reading Schedule through December:

June:
Breakout Churches - Thom Ranier
Acts - New Testament

July:
An Unstoppable Force - Erwin Raphael McManus
Romans - New Testament


August:
Speaking to Teenagers - Doug Fields, Duffy Robbins
I & II Timothy - New Testament

September:
Choosing to Cheat - Andy Stanley
I Am Not But I Know I Am - Louie Giglio
James - New Testament

October:
Uprising - Erwin Raphael Mcmanus
I & II Peter

November:
The Bridger Generation - Thom Ranier
Titus, Philemon, Jude - New Testament

December:
Celebration of Discipline - Richard Foster
Ephesians - New Testament



Throwing up on God

Okay. Well, I never intended this to be my first post, but because God blessed me with the gift of procrastination I’ve put off posting until now. In some ways I believe God was letting me wait just long enough to get an idea into my thick head… so here goes.

I don’t get grossed out by too many things. I mean, under normal circumstances, I can stomach most anything, and while I’m not a big fan of gory movies or those shows on the Discovery Channel where they do operations on people’s innards or show babies being born, I can get past it for the most part.

However, there is a reason I’ve never wanted to be a school janitor – I am allergic to vomit. Let me explain it this way. If I happened to be a super hero that could save the world of evil injustice, and that evil injustice just happened to puke, I would become about as useful as Walmart bag with a hole in it. Seriously, when it comes to vomit I am a girl. There’s this one episode of Americas Funniest Videos where this kid is going to blow out his candles on his birthday cake but blow’s chunks on it instead. That is NOT funny. They should put warnings on those videos before they show them… especially if you’re eating birthday cake when you watch that. It should be on Americas Grossest Videos…

But let me get to my point.

This past weekend I went swimming with my wife and son. We had a great time at the pool as our little man is about 13 months old now and can really get a thrill out of playing in the big tub. We get home and start our normal nightly routine with the boy… get a snack, get a bath, go to bed. I put Jack down to play in the living room and start moving towards my night time chores when… you guessed it… he pukes. Well, Mom and I were pretty freaked since he doesn’t just normally hurl so we started trying to rewind to what the problem might be. We must not have rewound fast enough because about two minutes later came round two.

By this time we were seriously worried. Bethany had read an article earlier in the week about dry drowning, so we didn’t know what to think. We had just come from swimming, he wasn’t showing signs of sickness, and all of a sudden we’ve got two pukes and now a duke; thus, off we go to see the good people at the local ER.

We get to the hospital and begin the walk to the doors that would hopefully shed light on our predicament when… yep – puke number three. This time however, I got the opportunity to wear the vomit. Yes… wear it. It was on me. A good 99% of it. (If I’m not clear on this, vomit – half digested food- from my son’s stomach was on my shirt.) We get signed in (I’m still wearing the shirt), we go back to the room (I’m still wearing the shirt), we wait for the doctor (I’m still wearing the shirt), we wait, wait, wait (shirt still on, vomit hasn’t gone anywhere). Soon came pukes four and five which now grace the shoulder of Bethany and the little bed in the middle of the room. I had to cover the vomit on the bed with some of those little towlette things. The room was taking on an odor of high school hallways after they serve that meat and gravy surprise and I was still wearing the puke shirt (can you tell this was traumatic for me???).

Honestly, I’m not being that much over dramatic. It was gross. Not like when someone shows you the food they’re eating or the stuff they just blew out of their nose gross. This was a very unintentional gross. My son was sick and I had to be as strong as possible to help him get through. I would have done anything I needed to do for him because he is my son and I love him. I think I grew as a Dad to a different degree that night.

I think God gags a little when His kids are sick too. Now, I am in no way comparing myself to God, but because I understand the father figure roll a little better I am going to make the association.

Sickness for humanity is sin. While I believe that God views all sin as gross, He views sin in a Christian’s life as absolutely disgusting. And, if you’ll allow me to take this concept a bit further, when a Christ follower sins it is like throwing up on God. After all, a Christian has taken a vow to “follow Christ”, and there can’t be much following of Christ when Christ knew no sin (2 Corinthians 5:21 NLT: For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.)

Here’s the repulsive picture I’m seeing:
Jesus, hanging on the cross, dying for my sins.

Me, not living the life I promised to live, not acting the way I promised to act, not loving others the way He instructed, puking all over Him as he suffered, bled, died and… loved me enough to do anything He needed to do because I am God’s son, and He loves me.

And I am not alone.

You know where you are in life.

You know if you’re throwing up on God.

Where do you go from here?

John 3:16 NLT:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

1 John 3:16 NLT:
We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our Christian brothers and sisters.