Granted, none of my inventions have made it to production, but I have some really great ideas… at least I think I do. I would use them, and maybe you would too. Some of my more recent ideas are:
Flavored crayons
Maybe someone actually makes these, but I’ve never seen them. At least then I wouldn’t have to continually get onto my one year old for taste testing them.
Burrito tape
Who hasn’t made a messy burrito? With my burrito tape, messy, torn burritos would be a thing of the past. Just place the desired amount of the edible adhesive tape to your next Mexican mess. (This could also be used for cheap hot dog buns that bust open on the bottom.)
Books on Toilet Paper
Yeah, NO… I don’t have a fetish for T.P. I just think it is a great product. But my product would be just a little better. Just think, you could read War and Peace on the T.P. while using the T.P. When you finish a chapter, just flush away!
Now, while these ideas are great [and I know they are], they do not top my latest invention. Allow me to introduce Righteous Ringtones!
Righteous Ringtones are a must for any serious church person. There will be two versions available.
For use at Church
Every seasoned pastor knows the benefits of the dramatic pause. You know, the pause that allows the listeners to think about that last, crucial statement. Nothing, and I mean nothing, ruins the dramatic pause worse than a cell phone ringing. It not only ruins the pause, it ruins the whole mood of the service. That is where the Righteous Ringtone Church version comes in so handy. Instead of an annoying ring or polyphonic version of a Ricky Martin song, the Righteous Ringtone rings by saying statements of affirmation that any preacher would appreciate. The Righteous Ringtone Church version would ring using a strong mans voice with a different word for each ring, such as, “Amen!”, “Preach it!”, “Come on”, “Bring it!”, “Whooooo dats right!”, “UH”, “You know it!”, and “Give that Preacher a raise!”.
For use during the week
Sometimes when we are away from church we don’t act so holy. That’s where the Righteous Ringtones weekly version comes in so handy. Just think, you’re in traffic and late to work. The jerk in front of you has no idea that he is in your way so he just toodles along at the speed limit. Just when you’re about to blow your horn and ram into him [don’t act like I’m the only one that feels this way] your cell phone rings. But instead of a silly ring or a polyphonic version of a Jerry Reed song, it rings the Beatitudes as read by Sean Connery. Just think, instead of “rings”, you would hear Mr. Connery straight from Matthew 5:
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. 10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Now, who would have road rage after a ring like that?
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Coming up
I’ll be posting my summery of Paul in the book of Acts in the next day or so. Be looking for it, you might find it interesting