Once upon a time I was a single man with single ambitions. One of those ambitions was to find me a wife, which I have done quite successfully. Unfortunately, I had to date several females to get to the one that God planned for me. [That last sentence sounds really cocky doesn’t it? Oh well..]
The worst part of any relationship is the breakup, and it is always harder to be the break-ee than the break-er [except for this one time when it was really a smooth transaction and a real blessing - I mean a REAL blessing]. The break-ee automatically becomes the victim and the one who has something to prove. This is especially true if the break-er is making a lateral move, that is, from a break-ee to a new relationship. This “proving” method usually ends up in some sort of competition in which the break-ee compares himself/herself [gotta be PC] to the new relationship. Since the break-er has already chosen the winner of the competition, conflict arises and usually ends up with a bitter, broken break-ee.
If you’re keeping score:
1. Break-er from break-ee
2. Break-ee to victim
3. Victim to competition
4. Competition to comparison
5. Comparison to conflict
6. Break-ee to getting nose brok-ee.
As sad as it is, I’ve been the break-ee more times than the break-er. There, I said it – I’ve been dumped more times than not [I know that’s hard to believe, trust me] which leads me to believe that I’ve dated some pretty senseless females. [I don’t know where this cockiness is coming from, but… oh well.] Truth is, however, I am SO glad to be out of the dating scene. When you’re married you begin to know who you are, where you are, and what your part is. In fact, I think high schools should have a mandatory class titled “Dating to Marriage, how to know who you are, where you are, and what your part is”. [That just sounds catchy…] Maybe that would help awkward teenagers make sense of the whole dating issue and allow a smooth transition into marriage. Maybe… just maybe.
In reflection, maybe churches should do the same type of class. While I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject, I do believe that it is possible to date the church and I presume that this is where bitterness and/or attrition is most heavily observable. Lets think about this using two scenarios:
1. New Christian Scenario:
We are all excited about new Christians, as we should be. It should always be a joy to take part in a spiritual birth of a new follower. The bad part is that often we leave new believers as spiritual orphans on the alter with nowhere to go and no one to attach to. The dangerous part is they can become dependant on themselves or dependant on the wrong influence. If they are dependant on themselves then they attach following Christ to a spiritual high that took place after their conversion. If they attach themselves to the wrong influence they can be swayed in a negative direction. Either way could lead to a bitter break-up because the new Christian never really married into the concept.
Remember, the concept is knowing who you are, where you are and what your part is. New Christians rarely know who they are, much less where and what their part is in the grand scheme of the church. After all, they’ve just experienced one of the biggest spiritual high’s they could ever imagine. Related to the dating scene, they’ve just experience their first kiss and are in love with everything about the new relationship. But soon the high wears off and jealousy sets in as newer believers enter the scene – which leads from competition to conflict, which ultimately leads to leaving. Why? The new Christian never took hold of the marriage concept - never really understood who he/she is in the relationship, where he/she fits into God’s plan, and where their point of ministry could take place.
2. Stagnant, long-time Member Scenario:
If you’ve been in any church for two weeks you know exactly the kind of member I am referring to. This member likes church the way it was before it changed the last time and isn’t about to move towards change again. They are dating a tradition and refuse to let it go. I am all for tradition… as long as that tradition has relevance! If we aren’t changing because that’s the way brother so-and-so did it 50 years ago, I ain’t buyin’ it.
However, I’m compassionate for this type member. Why? Because they didn’t give up after the “first kiss”: instead of rooting themselves into God’s plan they rooted themselves in the tradition. It’s like they reached to the knowing who they are part and got cozy. They’re fine with the perception of being a Christian, but the concept of acting like one seems a bit uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable leads to conflict and, of course, conflict leads to (most commonly) stubbornness or (unfortunately) departure.
Maybe I’m off key on this, but I don’t think so. I believe that every follower of Christ should move from infancy to adulthood, from stagnant to strength – from dating to marriage. But don’t take my word for it, read for yourself…
I John 2:3-6 NIV
3We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. 4The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: 6Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
What are His commands? Easy…
Know who we are. (Am I following Christ or myself?)
Know where we are. (Ultimately, God put me here for a reason.)
Know what your part is. (What ministry do I fit? [Hint: there is one, even if it hasn’t been developed yet.])
This whole idea is pretty hard to swallow since the church is the visible part of the equation. That’s why it is difficult to help people understand that it is not about dating the church. The church is absolutely necessary – it is the body of Christ; however, without a relationship with God it is seemingly useless. This is where folks don’t buy into the marriage concept and really never move past the essence of what the church is for them. Their relationship, either positive or negative, is with a building or personality and not God Himself.
I’m SO glad I’m out of the dating scene.
I’m SO glad I’m growing in my relationship.
The worst part of any relationship is the breakup, and it is always harder to be the break-ee than the break-er [except for this one time when it was really a smooth transaction and a real blessing - I mean a REAL blessing]. The break-ee automatically becomes the victim and the one who has something to prove. This is especially true if the break-er is making a lateral move, that is, from a break-ee to a new relationship. This “proving” method usually ends up in some sort of competition in which the break-ee compares himself/herself [gotta be PC] to the new relationship. Since the break-er has already chosen the winner of the competition, conflict arises and usually ends up with a bitter, broken break-ee.
If you’re keeping score:
1. Break-er from break-ee
2. Break-ee to victim
3. Victim to competition
4. Competition to comparison
5. Comparison to conflict
6. Break-ee to getting nose brok-ee.
As sad as it is, I’ve been the break-ee more times than the break-er. There, I said it – I’ve been dumped more times than not [I know that’s hard to believe, trust me] which leads me to believe that I’ve dated some pretty senseless females. [I don’t know where this cockiness is coming from, but… oh well.] Truth is, however, I am SO glad to be out of the dating scene. When you’re married you begin to know who you are, where you are, and what your part is. In fact, I think high schools should have a mandatory class titled “Dating to Marriage, how to know who you are, where you are, and what your part is”. [That just sounds catchy…] Maybe that would help awkward teenagers make sense of the whole dating issue and allow a smooth transition into marriage. Maybe… just maybe.
In reflection, maybe churches should do the same type of class. While I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject, I do believe that it is possible to date the church and I presume that this is where bitterness and/or attrition is most heavily observable. Lets think about this using two scenarios:
1. New Christian Scenario:
We are all excited about new Christians, as we should be. It should always be a joy to take part in a spiritual birth of a new follower. The bad part is that often we leave new believers as spiritual orphans on the alter with nowhere to go and no one to attach to. The dangerous part is they can become dependant on themselves or dependant on the wrong influence. If they are dependant on themselves then they attach following Christ to a spiritual high that took place after their conversion. If they attach themselves to the wrong influence they can be swayed in a negative direction. Either way could lead to a bitter break-up because the new Christian never really married into the concept.
Remember, the concept is knowing who you are, where you are and what your part is. New Christians rarely know who they are, much less where and what their part is in the grand scheme of the church. After all, they’ve just experienced one of the biggest spiritual high’s they could ever imagine. Related to the dating scene, they’ve just experience their first kiss and are in love with everything about the new relationship. But soon the high wears off and jealousy sets in as newer believers enter the scene – which leads from competition to conflict, which ultimately leads to leaving. Why? The new Christian never took hold of the marriage concept - never really understood who he/she is in the relationship, where he/she fits into God’s plan, and where their point of ministry could take place.
2. Stagnant, long-time Member Scenario:
If you’ve been in any church for two weeks you know exactly the kind of member I am referring to. This member likes church the way it was before it changed the last time and isn’t about to move towards change again. They are dating a tradition and refuse to let it go. I am all for tradition… as long as that tradition has relevance! If we aren’t changing because that’s the way brother so-and-so did it 50 years ago, I ain’t buyin’ it.
However, I’m compassionate for this type member. Why? Because they didn’t give up after the “first kiss”: instead of rooting themselves into God’s plan they rooted themselves in the tradition. It’s like they reached to the knowing who they are part and got cozy. They’re fine with the perception of being a Christian, but the concept of acting like one seems a bit uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable leads to conflict and, of course, conflict leads to (most commonly) stubbornness or (unfortunately) departure.
Maybe I’m off key on this, but I don’t think so. I believe that every follower of Christ should move from infancy to adulthood, from stagnant to strength – from dating to marriage. But don’t take my word for it, read for yourself…
I John 2:3-6 NIV
3We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. 4The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: 6Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
What are His commands? Easy…
Know who we are. (Am I following Christ or myself?)
Know where we are. (Ultimately, God put me here for a reason.)
Know what your part is. (What ministry do I fit? [Hint: there is one, even if it hasn’t been developed yet.])
This whole idea is pretty hard to swallow since the church is the visible part of the equation. That’s why it is difficult to help people understand that it is not about dating the church. The church is absolutely necessary – it is the body of Christ; however, without a relationship with God it is seemingly useless. This is where folks don’t buy into the marriage concept and really never move past the essence of what the church is for them. Their relationship, either positive or negative, is with a building or personality and not God Himself.
I’m SO glad I’m out of the dating scene.
I’m SO glad I’m growing in my relationship.
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